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Rainbow Award winner Atom Heart John Beloved chronicles the lives of two boys who become friends at age thirteen The story is told by eighteen year old John who uietly whispers to his best friend one night in bed Do me This novel is a breathtaking love story and an intense coming of age story that resembles no other book John's narrative voice is one of the most uniue in gay literature Atom Heart John Beloved is literate intimate erotic and delightful delivering unexpected moments of grace


10 thoughts on “Atom Heart John Beloved

  1. says:

    What a bustI haven't read any reviews beforehand but I read the blurb and got super excited at the mention of Rainbow Award winner which by itself was already enough to set this bar very high But that was not all besides the Rainbow Award winner mention was stated John's narrative voice is one of the most uniue in gay literature Dad worked for an established electrician several years before starting his own company Matt works for him regularly now and will someday take over the business I imagine Matt is going to school part time now so that he will eventually be certified too He already knows just about everything there is to know but it helps to be listed in the phone book as certified I just work for Dad enough to keep myself in gas and date money Usually Nathan or Mary was with me Mom had taught herself how to make some Mexican and South American dishes and she did a decent job of it I loved her chicken enchiladas She was a great cook We were a lucky family I felt sorry for my friends who had parents who could not cook good meals That was not us We rarely ate out because the food at home was much better and of course cheaper and healthier But when we did eat out as a family we usually came here I also loved variety so I placed one order for taco de carne asada one taco de carnitas and one taco al carbon and a side of rancho beans The rancho beans here were loaded with onion tomato and cilantro Perfection Does this voice sound uniue to you?Well I must be deaf because I can’t hear the uniueness mentioned “But we both know I want to And we both know you want it And we both know you want to do it to me too And we both know I want it And we both know that even if I was the only one of us who wanted it you couldn’t stop me” At this point I felt a Déjà vu of reading a Kristen Ashley book One of those moments where you have to read her same sentence twice I am here frying my brain trying to make some sense about John's narrative voice being one of the most uniue in gay literatureI honestly don't know how I finished this book I had a hard time trying to connect with the guys and their story and I ended up completely detached from it all I found the characterisation poor We get a reasonable pic of John but who the hell was Natan? What about their lives? Interaction with family school and friends? There was so much missingI hardly toss 1 star but if I am to be honest I can't find a single thing to praise about this story I didn't enjoy it at all Peace


  2. says:

    I'd like to offer a cogent review of this book but I can't do it Maybe some other time For now I'll just list a few random feelings I had while reading it1 Anger John does things that are inexcusable2 Hatred John is the least likable protagonist I've ever read I truly despised him3 Disgust The things that happen to John and other characters just NO4 Pity Eventually I saw through the game John was playing on himself He's actually a rather pathetic boyMore than anything else I'm offended by this book I moved from distaste to disgust to being just offended by this whole sordid mess I will never ever read this book againAnd yes five stars I want to reward the author with my respect for a job very well doneThank you Lena for the recommendationThank you Mark for reading this with me


  3. says:

    What have I just read? My head is spinning and buzzing with thoughts And wonderI am going to repeat something all the other readers said John the narrator is not nice John is not likable At the beginning he looks like a sort of unmovable monolith a block of self confidence and arrogance Everything is superficial at the beginning it’s about his looks and those of the people around him it’s about casual sex and pleasure it all seems selfish and useless Through all the book though we see John falling apart his half lies are unveiled his mind is revealed and his heart is shattered The self assured John of the beginning of the book the stud the irresistible sex on legs young man shows all his fears and self hatred John doesn’t belong any where He feels his Latino heritage sets him apart from the rest and he’s secretly afraid that people think less of him because of it; he refuses to “speak in tongues” in his Church and he looks at that community with detachment and skepticism; being part of his Church keeps him apart from the other students at school; his sexuality doesn’t “conform” since he has sex with plenty of girls but he gives his body to his gay best friend Nathan the only guy he’s attracted to; he’d like to be close to his brother but his brother is not interested; since he is not very good at his father’s job he believes he’s a disappointment to him; he doesn’t apply to college because he knows he won’t be accepted; he doesn’t play football and is scolded for it because he knows he won’t be good enough Most of all John doesn’t love himselfJohn Beloved like the apostle Jesus loved Nathan loves him in a spiritual way and in a sexual way John the serial seducer of women with a girlfriend and plenty on the side gives himself to Nathan he lets Nathan have sex with him he submits to his friend As the story goes on what we see with surprise and a sort of dread is that John is looking for humiliation and through this humiliation it seems he wants to expiate for something The book is this long voyage from feeling unworthy of everything to feeling worthy of love It’s such a painful voyage It was as if John was doing everything against common sense dismissing every ounce of self preservation It was so frustrating it was unpleasant We want our heroes to be strong blameless confident In a very perverse way John is also like that but he doesn’t see it for a long timeJohn can see the hurt in other people’s eyes and he tries to make it better He sees people in danger and he tries to protect them He needs help and he trusts the right people to help him He sees injustice and abuse and he’s not indifferent He genuinely loves Nathan in the most selfless and pure way he cherishes him even if he has sex with other people other guys even if he’s capable of some degree of love for someone else he’s given his heart only to Nathan who loves him back in the same selfless and pure way Atom Heart John BelovedAll the fooling around was hard to read from a romantic reader point of view but John is also an adolescent on the verge of adulthood He hasn’t mastered his desires yet he doesn’t even know where they come from and instead of repressing them he explores them and wants the readers to know about this telling everything in a sort of clinical way It’s not always heartfelt it’s not arousing He forces the reader to be there with him as if assisting to a surgery procedure Look at what’s happening? Look at what I’ve done? Look at how fucked up I am how fucked up it can be? He’s not asking for our sympathies it’s as if he wants witnesses John kept me there unwilling displeased frustrated worried afraidThere are many themes in this book coming of age; sexual orientation; religious bigotry; sexual abuse There’s rape And there’s love as a uest as a goal as a giftI don’t know if I’d recommend this book If you need to be head over heels for your protagonist maybe you’ll find this book insufferable If you like delicate romance with a straight path to happiness you won’t probably even consider this book as romance If you like hot sex to make you dream and desire you’ll be probably disappointed and maybe even repelled If you read it despite these warnings and you don’t like it blame it on the story I don’t think it would be right to blame it on John


  4. says:

    OhI am beyond pissed I am in rant mode There be cursing ahead and I am not sorryWhat did I just read? A book with a misleading blurb is what I read This was a fucking mess A complete and disgusting fucking mess John our narrator is a self aware and egotistical arrogant ass He is He says it himself What he does in this book in the beginning I could forgive him for He was confused or whatever I get it I can suspend reality for that But the shit he pulls the last half of the book is unforgivable Unbelievable Just No No No No No NOOO I thought I was getting a complicated and angst filled love story of two young boys trying to find their way to one another I did not think I was getting a story of an arrogant horny teenager who attends one of the most fucked up churches imaginable stringing along his best friend who has been in love with him forever A horny teenager who plays with the emotions of so many people but passes is off as being seriously fucked up Yeah John you are Maybe if you thought with something other than your dick it wouldn’t be that way There was nothing good about this book Not one thing The beginning was unnecessarily heavy and all over the place There were so many characters tossed at you in each different chapter that I had to duck the flying bodies to see my way to the story There were so many literary nuances in the story along with so much from the Bibleargh I get it The author is well versed but I don't need to be beat over the head with it repeatedly Nathan where the hell is your voice? Oh I know it's in your book which I doubt I will read now I don't want to hear from you How could that end that way? There is now way in hell two chapters can make up for all the crap that went down in this book and have it end that way MY GOD What the fuck did I read? The audacity to do that I am sorry I can’t accept it I don’t downshift that fast I had zero connection to the characters to anyone in the book to be honest How could I when there was no time to get to know someone What do I know about John; he likes to fuck Fuck anyone he can What do I know about Nathan he lacks a serious spine and self worth to fall for someone like John He doesn't deserve it he doesn’t deserve the pure love and devotion from Nathan That little speech at the end of being a changed man? I am sorry but fuck that No Ugh This book just pissed me off page after page I am so mad I paid full price for this It wasn't worth it I was prepared to have my heart ripped out but I was not prepared to want to beat a motherfucker with a motherfucker at the end of this book I know that others liked it Praised it and it won awards but this book was a disaster of epic proportions I am beside myself with what I just read Just I can’t I am done


  5. says:

    5 StarsFinally FINALLYAfter months of not finding the one to add to my All Time Fav shelf I have found it I ask you to read it on your own risk It's very contra version I can't even put into words how much and why I loved this book so much But I'll tryThis book is not for everyoneIt was really difficult and frustrating to read at times but in sort of a god wayIn a good way because John our MC is very complex teenager with a very uniue POV one that we don't see very often He is full of himself he is cocky he even say that he is Gods gift Yea right I DID NOT buy itHe is so insecureHe grew up in a very religious family yet he is skeptical to begin with and when looking into it he is a total none believerHe knows he is a poor student with no promising futurehe has a girlfriend that is OK he does not really love her she does not really love him but That's the best he think he can get and deservesHe is so in love with his best friend but think he does not deserve him he KNOWS Nathan is so much better than he isSo yea he tells us or try to tell us one thing but I saw right through himHe punish himself through out the story in lots of ways and for lots of reasons the secrets he knows eats him alive and he does not know how to let the pressure outOne might think that he is the strong MC but oh no Nathan the second MC is the one that you fall in love instantly he is the smart uiet friend that loves his best friend for years but is willing to stay BF for the sake of not loosing JohnHe knows what he want he knows who he loves he knows what he believe in and all in all simply being what John need him to be while he John finds himselfHe is coming out as the the passive MC but he IS the strong oneSo yes you want to hug and protect Nathan but who really needs it is JohnJohn BelovedThe writing?? The writing is absolutely superb This is the second book I read from this author the second 5 star for meI will soon read of his creations


  6. says:

    I LOVE THIS BOOKBut it is the most useless and the most helpless review you could find So skip it I'm not going to talk about this book Because I just don't want It'll stay with me I'm not going to share I'm selfish Besides I'm not able to deliver well structured and reasonable reviews They are too emotional and totally meaningless to be goodJust a few words It is about Nathan The best friend of John And it is about John A lot of about John And about some other bad and good guys And about the world family religion sex lust church friendship belief music life And love Ah forget it actually it is about much much Told from the John's POV He is chaotic narcissistic illogic infidel and loyal inconsistent extremely conceited and intense He is just John Most of you will probably hate him But not me John's narrative voice is one of the most uniue in gay literatureThat's not from meAnd so is the story It's just like a real life And view spoilerit has a HEA hide spoiler


  7. says:

    John is a dick He is a conceited self absorbed selfish prick He’s a lying cheating fucked up 18 yr old boy I don’t think I am god’s gift to mankind but I do kind of feel like I was a pretty good gift for certain people who have enjoyed me I do think of myself as a prizeThat’s what John is a boy A boy who makes mistakes lots of mistakes A boy who has to deal with evil that no one should have to deal with especially not a young boy Evil that hides behind god and religion and self righteousness A boy who deals with a huge regret that eats at him He’s a boy who is all those things I called him at the beginning but he is also insecure confused and self loathing All of John's horrible decisions and actions come from this self loathing And they are some serious fucked up things I had always known I was nothingWhen he’s talking about how great he is he’s usually talking about his body his looks and his sexual prowess He always wonders if the girls he’s with even like him Even his girlfriend treats him badly after each time they have sex Is it her own guilt or that she doesn’t much like him either and just wants to leave once she gets what she wants? Nathan is different Nathan loves John not just John’s body I never felt better about myself than when I saw myself through Nathan’s eyes The thing about John is that he knows that he’s an asshole and a fuck up Like the conceited asshole that I am I had only thought about how lucky he was that I was letting him have sex with me I had never stopped to consider how lucky I was too John may love Nathan and know that Nathan loves him but John doesn’t deserve that love and Nathan deserves better than John Nathan is perfect a good friend a good son a good person and way too good for John I knew I should be encouraging this since I had a girlfriend and he had no one but pathetic me ”And he deserves better than you?” “Damn right”So why does Nathan even like him anyway? I’m not sure but John can be loyal He may not understand his parents’ beliefs but he’ll respect them because they’re important to them and he loves them He is loyal to his best friend Nathan if not his lover He always defends him protects him and supports him ”He’s the best dude I know you asshole I don’t know why the fuck he wants to hang out with a screw up like me but he does And I’m glad” This is John’s story told from his POV and we see everything as it relates to John We don’t see Nathan outside of John and so we can’t really know if Nathan is as perfect as John believes him to be What we do know is that he loves John and is willing to accept any part John is willing to give And in the end I think this is John’s love story This is the story of a boy who loves his best friend and is trying to learn how to deal with it A story of a boy learning how to love and how to let himself be loved when he feels he doesn't deserve it I don't like John but by the end I felt like maybe I understood himThis was not an easy read It’s dark and it made me uncomfortable and angry many times At times I felt it was too long and too much There’s rape and cheating and evil things happen to young children I had to take breaks I read 4 fluffy books and caught up with Sons of Anarchy in between reading this I don’t know if I would recommend this book I really can't say who should read it What I can say is that I’m glad I did It’s emotional and powerful and it will stay with me for a long time BR with Alona Irina Lena and Sofia


  8. says:

    This was intenseBut definitely not in a good way More like just kill me now intenseThis book depressed me And made me very sad It reminded me how stupid some young horny teenagers are How reckless and selfish How inconsiderate they are to other people's feelings It's so easy to break a young fragile heart And the person doing the breaking doesn't even think twice In fact he doesn't think at allI want to pinpoint that I didn't hate the book or John Beloved We all made mistakes when we were that age But the whole package of issues touched in this book just made me angry and upset Perhaps I read it at the wrong time I don't mind heartbreaking stories as long as they heal me in the end but this one had failed to make me feel good and I did not believe in that ending for one secondThere were two things I liked about it though First the writing This author definitely knows how to grip a reader's attention I'll give him that And Nathan The guy I wanted to hug and protect and shake some sense into him He deserved so much better than John I'd love to read Nathan's story too but I'm afraid I need a break I get the feeling there will be trouble in the seuel and I don't know if can handle it right now 25 starsBR with Lena Sofia Otila and Alona Ladies thank you


  9. says:

    2012 Rainbow Awards Honorable Mention 5 from at least 1 judge


  10. says:

    So weird and disturbing and I loved itHot hot hot view spoilerall that cum play hide spoiler